One of the main certainties of life is that we need to allow and accept change. Now, what I really mean by this is not resisting and denying change because that’s where much of our suffering comes from. We resist and deny the ability to change and the temporary nature of all things. One of the main focuses of Buddhism is that everything changes and becomes. It is not only about being fully aware and deeply understanding it, but also understanding it to the point where we no longer resist it. We see that it’s futile to resist.
I like what Byron Katie once said, “She’s a lover of what is.” Even Eckhart Tolle talks about it. If you’re resisting or denying what is, that’s a symptom of insanity. It is insanity to fight reality. It is what it is. So, I’m trying to convey the importance of being very sane here and needing to understand that everything changes. Everything is temporary. This cannot be denied, no matter how much we’d like to. Our favorite coffee cup, for example, could accidentally fall off the counter today and shatter on the floor. That could be it.
There could be an accident involving friends and family members, who knows? Everything that comes into your life will one day leave your life. And if, for some reason, it stays in your life until the very end, you’re still leaving it. So, if something doesn’t leave your life, you’re leaving it at some point. Everything must part. Everything must go away.
Therefore, one of the old adages is “Let what comes, come; let what goes, go” and just be with what is. Or, as I sometimes say, “Enjoy what is, as it is.” But allowing things to come and go might be a bit of a misunderstanding. I’m not trying to say that you should actively try to do something. If you find that you can’t accept a change, for example, if your favorite coffee cup shatters and you shed a tear over it, don’t beat yourself up over the fact that you couldn’t accept this change.
Acceptance is more about accepting whatever is happening moment by moment. And if you’re unable to allow and accept change, then accept that you can’t accept it at this time. Don’t make it an issue. But you need to delve into and understand what’s going on because there are ignorance and illusions of the mind that perpetuate the thinking that you can somehow win over reality. We try to hold on and resist change because we think we might win. If we didn’t think we could win, we wouldn’t bother.
To a certain extent, we need to gain the understanding that we can’t win against reality. We don’t know when things are going to change, how they’re going to change, or if and when they’re going to leave our lives. It’s inevitable that they will. Instead of dreading that future moment when they might depart or continuously trying to hold on to the past, we need to let things flow, appreciate, and enjoy what is now for as long as it is.
Your favorite coffee cup is here today, great, enjoy it. Tomorrow when you’re using it, enjoy it. You’re free to do that, it’s okay. But understand and have no illusions that one day it will leave you. You don’t know when, you don’t know how, but it will happen. So, to a certain extent, you can view it as already gone and then appreciate that it’s still here. These are some ideas on change, but it is a certainty of life that we must come to terms with.
